Sanjay Nikalje|Blog: September 2015

Friday, September 18, 2015

Did she really loved me....? Part-8

Another guy in picture...villain?

My mom, Reviera Gonsalves and father Adam Gonsalves, people say were a perfect couple. Both ready to do anything for each other. Dad's toes were always on a move for his business consignments. He wanted to prove himself as a successful Catholic diamond businessman. Many people teased him when he dared to enter this unknown world of a precious allotrope of carbon. Dad used to say, this business is never stable, it always a carries a high optical dispersion, ability to disperse light of different colors the basic property of a diamond. Mom during her initial days had low work load so was back home on eve hours. She used to get bored alone. After I was born, a maid was kept to look after me, as even mom couldn’t fetch quality time for me from her office assignments. Even the clock could not decide my parents’ home arriving time. This led to small sparks whenever they met, which further converted into major tiffs. I grew-up in this chaotic and quarrel filled environment.

It was mid of January 1994 when, my parents came to a point of separation, which was mutually agreed for benefit of each other’s life. But that did not meant they did not love each other, but the only thing they missed was to think about me, my education, my future. It was also decided by them that after my SSC exams, I would be staying on monthly-basis with each of them. Their separation gave a massive blow to me, which I never discussed with anyone, it probably ruptured those valuable senses that help tender brains in concentrating on studies. Somehow I managed to reach till my tenth standard, but it became more and more difficult for me concentrate on studies, I became more aggressive in nature and busted out on anyone in my way. My first semester results were out, I failed drastically in all my subjects. This has never happened in history of my school that a girl has ever failed in all the subjects. Principal raised concern and asked my parents to meet personally. My parent’s busy schedule failed to attend even that. Another aghast moment for me. I broke down. I cried, I wept, I fought with myself alone.

I never had friends in school, rather I never made any. I was alone in class during recess time. That day, 'Raj Nanjanduppa'. I immediately looked at Alma's face, after hearing word ‘Raj’. I was moved back, or rather didn’t feel good with that indigestible male name uttered by her. She wanted to continue further but tried to hide the eye contact with me the moment she saw me looking into her eyes. She continued, Raj the head-boy of the school and brightest student in my class, came to class during the break time while I was seated alone in the class. He looked at me and smiled. I reverted with a smile. He took for what he came to class but while leaving the class asked me, whether I would like to join him. I said no to him, he thought for a moment then came and sat next to me. I don’t know how but I was able to gel very quickly with him. It was after 2-3 years that someone had shared thoughts and affection with me. I giggled on his stupid wrangled jokes and comments. He completely galvanized me with his charisma. I felt good. I went home with a smile that day.

Alma guessed my uncomfortableness and tried to change the topic.'Ohh crap, sorry Varun, I didn't even asked you for a cup of tea or snack's, she said and stood up. I shook my head to demonstrate my strong negative reply to the offered tea and snacks. How would I be able to gulp it down my throat vessel, when the girl you like the most, chants the praise series of some other guy name that to in front of you. I asked her to move ahead with the topic, though difficult, but I had no option.

She continued further. Raj and I shared these light moments everyday during break. He tried solving many of my study related queries. It was more of loneliness than studies which affected my education Raj used to say. Majority of the talks and quizzes we shared were mathematics and science oriented. We played a different kind of game called 'MemDic', wherein one has to learn a word from the dictionary and ask other person the meaning of that word. Slowly slowly I enjoyed studying, rather I enjoyed when he made it easier for me. Everything seemed easy under his tutelage. It was just few days back that due to my very poor performance the principal doubted whether she would allow me appear for the prelim examination or not. I pleaded to the princi to give me a wild-chance. It was only because of Raj I was allowed to appear.

My prelim examinations were over. I just cracked it. I scored a mammoth 79.86 percentage. Raj was so happy with my scores; his eyes gave a replica of a different Alma. It was not only unbelievable for the teachers and princi but to me too. I studied more nicely forgetting all worries of life and tensed environment in the house, just because he liked me scoring good numbers. I scored 82.29 percentages a bit more in my final board exams, Raj as usual scored what a head-boy of a school should score, he topped in the school scoring 91.87 percentage.

I coughed in between to show my dislike and discomfort of ‘Raj Environment’ created for last fifteen minutes. She offered me a glass of water, actually I wanted to put this water on my head, to wipe-off the Raj name from my memory but satisfied myself by drinking it. It was too heavy dose for me that day. I interrupted her in between and asked her, ‘Where is Raj now?’.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Did she really loved me....? Part-7

Alma wanted to meet me desperately, she seemed disturbed. She said, ‘My brain is chocked. Can we meet?’. Well it’s difficult to move out of the house even for a haircut, I went ruthless with my hair and had a zero-cut from the saloon just a day back to save hair-cut time during study and exam period. I don’t even shave for that period and she is asking me to meet. I don’t know how to say ‘No’. But I have to say a blunt ‘No’, and I said, ‘Alma it would be difficult for me to meet you at this point of time, I have to study, I have to complete my portion, I have missed many lectures. Hope you don’t mind.’ She said remained silent for some time and said a heavy okay. I did not like her okay tone and I melted like an ice-cube kept outside a refrigerator. ‘Okay, we will meet today, but only for an hour. Would that be fine?’ I said. Saying ‘NO’ to a beautiful girl is far difficult job than saying ‘NO’ to sweets by a TYPE-2 DM diabetic person. We decided to meet near the famous St.Thomas Church, Horniman Circle at 4:00 PM. The church is superbly located within the arms of greatest gothic architecture flanked by Asiatic Society of Bombay and Horniman Gardens.

I reached on time. Waited for the cutest girl in my life. It was 4:30 PM, but she was still not there. To kill time, my day-dreaming mind started trying various color combinations and various dress patterns on her, it brought a teasy smile on my face, which I kept for myself. Since there was nothing to do I went inside the St. Thomas Cathedral, I felt as if a fabulous piece of art was welcoming me inside. The atmosphere took me into a different reign. I thought of praying. I kneeled down, but even in such a peaceful environment a violent turbulence was running in my brain, as why she has not turned-up yet. I left the place at 7:00 PM, Alma was no-where in sight. I felt if the marvelously chiseled sepia-tinged faces at the Harnimon circle precinct are looking at me with concern and were depicting my strewn emotions. For the first time I felt as if I missed the warm replay of those glory days,

I went home and waited for her call. She didn’t call. I did not sleep the whole night. I waited for her call for next five days. I took my study-table near the phone, just not to miss her call and also I never wanted my family to know about Alma atleast now.

My dad asked me about my recent relocation of my study table from a quiet to a riotous venue. I gave a non-digestible memoir of my own to dad, he assumed as if he accepted my answer. It was difficult to study in that chaotic environment. My neighboring Mehta aunty gave every detail of her latest recipe, Avrish and Veena’s plan to marry secretly, Nandoskar uncle’s fractured hand. Miss Foreign’s (Dimple Rastogi, of our society, who visited UK for a week for her company work) elaborative expression’s on how polluted Mumbai is compared to UK, the travelling inconvenience in Mumbai etc, etc… I was forced to hear all such conversations, sitting next to the phone. But I didn’t hear the voice I wanted to hear, my Alma’s voice for that month.

My exams were complete, I was sure even Alma’s exams should have been completed by this time. Has she forgotten me, or she has lost my number? Numerous aghast questions buzzed me.

14 May 1997, 10 AM, phone rang, Mom picked-up the call, and she shouted, ‘Varun, there is a call for you from your college’. ‘College?’, my heart was in my mouth, the moment I heard that. I ran towards the phone, with shivering voice. I said ‘Hello…’ , to my amusement it was Alma at the other end, she lied to my mom a minute ago, as if she was speaking from my college. I can’t provide any evidence of euphoric environment created around me after hearing her voice. But I was also very angry on her, I asked her, why she did not turn-up at Harnimon circle, why she did not call for so many days. She just replied with a ‘Sorry’. I asked her any issue? The reply was ‘Nothing’. I asked again ‘Any issue?’, she said ‘Can you come at, 98A, Sky-Heights, Lokhandwala Complex, Andheri(W) today? If possible?’. I said ‘Sure, I will’. She didn’t speak anything further and kept the phone. I reached the location. The building was very lavish. Garden on first floor and parking till second floor. The lobby was huge and beautiful. The security looked at me with suspicion, made me realize of my mediocre living standard and escorted me till the flat. Alma opened the door, I was very happy to see her. I went inside, she closed the door. She asked to come towards the bedroom as the maid had to do some cleaning work in the living room. We sat on the bed. She sat just next to me. I asked ‘How are you Alma? Where were you for so many days?’. She looked up in my eyes and burst into tears. It was difficult for me to understand what was happening, is she crying because she was seeing me after many days or some other reason. I went near her; she hugged me and continued crying for another 1 minute. I asked her ‘What happened?’ She said, her father expired just few days back. He faced a major heart-attack on the same day, when we decided to meet at Harnimon Circle. This was very shocking for me. ‘Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?’ I said. Ohh God, why are so cruel with this girl, she don’t deserve so many issues in her life. I was thinking of solving her problems, but they were just piling-up.

‘Your exams?. You gave your exams?’ I asked her with concern. ‘Yes, Mamma took leave from office; she used to come with me till college during exam period. I never wanted to appear for exams, but Mamma forced.” She said.

Sorry to hear about your Dad, Alma .I tried to console her. ‘Office. Your mom is working women?’ I asked. ‘Yes, she is a Managing Director of TechAdvantage Solutions Ltd. And my father was a only Catholic diamond dealer, during that time, they had an arranged-marriage.’ she said. As if she read all the questions my wrinkled face dipped in a pool of unknown questions could describe, and she continued. My Mom was just a graduate. Catholic people are not much into diamond industry, that industry is mostly dominated by Gujarati’s. She liked his talent, risk taking ability and doing something which no one among their community has ever done. My father had huge dreams for my Mom also; he asked her to study further after marriage, as she was very bright in her academics. She completed her MBA and grabbed a job at campus recruitment in the same company where she is working now.

I don’t know whether I should ask this question, if everything was so super-good, then why did they divorce?

Sanjay Nikalje|Blog

Friday, September 18, 2015

Did she really loved me....? Part-8

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Did she really loved me....? Part-7

How to create any mathematics tables with excel...

Write that you like...